Social media simplifies and accelerates communication between diverse groups of people all over the world. It provides access to information that spreads worldwide, uniting the world. Because of the convenience of social media, some people start to rely on social media and let it become an important part of their lives. However, the majority of young people are not aware that the widespread use of social media has been preventing them from having well-balanced mental health. Social media should be limited in order for young people to be mentally healthy.


14 thoughts on “Introduction

  1. I wouldn’t say it has prevented us from a well balanced mental health, but more that it has encouraged rebellious/ wreckless teenagers. I think that we could still remain sane with a well balanced mental health as long as the stupidly simple rules for social media are followed. Someone’s posting about how they self harm etc? Report page/block/unfriend. But these options are obviously not getting us anywhere. The people working above social media need limit the use and add some regulations. Because when you think about it, no one can get a Facebook until they’re 13 years old so that is an attempt at limiting use to young people.


  2. Hi Yves.
    I find your argument very relative to today’s increase of issues; social media and technology becoming the main source of communication therefore affecting the destitution of human mentality.
    Just a few suggestions on editing/proofreading your work:

    “…channels which developed to community.” – Add “a” before community.

    “It provides access to information and new knowledges that spread all over the world, making the world in one place.” – I understand what you are saying but I think you could reword this to “It provides worldwide access to information and new knowledge, putting everything at your fingertips.” This helps your argument as it includes the issue of social media being accessed easily (with the whole “at your fingertips”) proving that people choose the easier route to communication rather than face to face communication.

    Other than that, so far your arguement is looking great. Look forward to reading your final work.


  3. Pingback: Comments | Marcella Nielsen

  4. I couldn’t agree more. I really like the relevancy of your topic. I think that mental health is so important and I totally agree that social media does tend to hinder the way our minds think. I feel like social media is good for online communication as you mentioned, but overuse and abuse can definitely lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.


  5. I think this is a very good topic to touch upon with the rise of social media and the internet today in general. As many of us aren’t able to multitask, we often lose sight of the things around us and choose to go to the easiest place which is this case is to our screens which provide us with the endless amounts of entertainment as well as communication. I agree with the fact that young people are those who are the ones who get side tracked and are the ones who have a harder time balancing their mental health as they get caught into following everyone with the trend of social media without thinking what may happen mentally if they start too early.


  6. I agree with what you’re saying here. It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable seeing a much younger generation using the same social media platforms that we are using now. It also kind of worries me as a few months ago, I came across a Facebook conversation of young high schoolers (no older than 16) complaining that their Tinder accounts had been suspended because they were underage. The fact that they were even on Tinder in the first place is scary because they don’t have the emotional maturity at that age. But I also think there are many benefits of social media for young people, such as Tumblr which is an excellent platform for young people who are perhaps lonely or bullied to connect with other likeminded people around the world and share their artistic work or whatever they want. Again, it’s all about moderation. I do believe parents should be monitoring closely what their kids are doing online.


  7. Hey Yves!
    I think the topic you’ve chosen is great. Just a few comments on your outline. In my opinion, some of your premises need to be re-worded. For example, ‘Social media leads to social anxiety in young people.’ should be social media ‘can’ lead to social anxiety in young people, because this is not necessarily true for everyone. However, your argument can show how a lot of people are affected by social anxiety due to social media. Another example is your rebuttal, ‘Most of the friends are unreliable and false’, I would be careful when using the word ‘most’ unless I had the evidence to back it up (I think I remember the lecturer saying that ‘most’ refers to more than 50%). Another thing is your counter-claim, in my opinion, does not correlate with your main claim, because you are arguing about how social media affects mental health and your current counter-claim does not relate to mental health.

    For your introduction, I suggest you take out the first few sentences because people reading your blog will most likely know what social media is, therefore it is redundant to say what social media is known as. Instead I suggest you start your introduction from the fourth sentence, ‘Because of the convenience of social media…”, because the sentences before that are just informative sentences that don’t help your argument. I suggest you proofread your introduction again as there are a few grammar mistakes. If you need any help don’t hesitate to talk to me during lab!

    Emily Jessup


  8. Hi yves, I think you have got a solid argument going. Only suggestion would be maybe to state your argument at the beginning of the introduction, maybe within the first few sentences just so that its clear to readers what your are discussing and what your blog is about. Other than this I like how you have included a definition of social media and how it is used within society, I think this is a nice touch. Hope it’s all going well


  9. Pingback: feedback w/ da homiez | whitebait rantz

  10. Pingback: Comments: |

  11. Pingback: Comments: | iWrite

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s